3.9.12 | Labels: emosi, luahan

Lately ni nape tah aku asyik nak tak puas hati jer...tak baik tulla....
Tapi kalau tak puas pendam lama2 n byk2 meletup pulak nanti kan....
Aku kadang2 (selalu sgt) x faham betulla ngan bos2 besar2 ni kan + org2 yg suka sgt nak amik kesempatan menggunakan duit company utk kepuasan diri sendiri...
Aku bukan apa....kalaudiaorg yg buat sendiri takpela...tapi ni aku yg terinvolve sama...sebabnya aku kene arrangekan n carik quotation utk brg2 yg diaorg tu nak......stresss stresss stressss......pastu dah la mende2 utk kepentingan personal pastu terhegeh2 nak suh cepat2 cepat2.........nanti korg jawabla kat akhirat.....

Anak dah masuk U (bukan U pun kolejswasta jer....tula guna duit tak betui kasik anak tu yg anak tak pandai tu ...dashyat mulut aku ni ). Dah 10y aku keje kat sini sampai aku tak igt dah byk mana netbook....notebook...laptop.....macbook...imac... brand apple....sony...toshiba...acer...hp...suma ada....pastu suma tu pi kat tgn anak dia.....pastu bila rosak mai la kat tgn aku ni tlg tgkan....bukan aku main tuduh jer....bila kat tgn boleh nampakla file2 tu sapa yg punyakan..... ada pulak tu aku belikan IMac pai 2 bijik....kat biliktu pai 3...alih2 aku nakpi buat audit tis year dah takde dah....bila tanya secretary sengih2 jer depa tak nak bagitau pi mana....dah angkut bawak balik la kot.... tapi sebab BIG2 boss suma diam jer la kan....kalau nak citer year by year tak larat nak tulis la jwbnyer... nih latest suh beli Adobe CS6 Master Collection - Full Pack (for Windows Platform)....ok harga nyer almost 9Kyer.... takkan dia nak gunakan....mmg tak logikla dia nak guna....keje dia pi meeting pastu sign sana sini kan.... takkan dia nak melukis gambo lak...ngedit video lak kan......nampak sgt buat anak dia yg tgh amik multimedia tukan....  xfaham la aku kan....org islam n solat tak tinggal...tak fkir ke amanh yg diaorg salah gunakan... (bykjer kan org2 mcm ni kan) ...duit gaji 30k-40k tu pasai tak nak guna........

Itu kisah boss besar...bos yg kecik2 pun lebih kurangjer...... Selagik boleh free selagikla tula nak menibai duit company..... ipad kuar beli ipad..kuar lagik new ipad...beli pulak yg baru....Iphone kuar dari version 1st pai version latest suma beli ...duit company ok bukan duit sendiri......cmapur lagik samsung galaxy s11...pastu kuar samsung s3 pun beli ......blackberry pun sama....aku pun tak faham sampai 4-5 bijik tepon company.....alih2 tingal kat umah anak main......sabojer la.... bukan main tuduh2..tp before diaorrg guna kitaorg akan tlg configurekan dulu yer n confem la kitaorg tau kan........ kadang2  aku rasa baru smlm diaorg suh configure Ipone baru... tup2 call suh configure Iphone baru lagik.......mcm2 la ......nih bos2 aku ..bos medium ngan bos kecik dah nak mintak tlg carikkan quotation nak beli macbook pro latest lak (with retina display) ...macbook pro kat tgn diaorg barujer dlm 2-3 y  pakai....... mmg gatai sungguh depa ni ........pastu dok suh cepat2......dahla guna duit company pastu demand hish geram aku...........
yg kuli2 kecik cam kitani .....suma beli sendiri.....takpela kan janji HALALAN TOIYIBAN......

kadang2 kan kalau fikir2 balik...aku rasa nak berenti kejela.......sebab aklu menyampah tgk org2 yg macamni.......dah la secara tak langsung aku pun terlibat dok carik quotation pastu decide company mana nak beli pastu tlg configurekan....sign delivery order......uhhhhhhhhh sgt2 rasa bedossa tauuuuuuuu....Ya Allah ampunkan dosa2 aku.......

(xde boss kan yg nak baca blog aku....:-) )

30.8.12 |

Konon nya aku nak berahsia jer..nak simpan diam2 jer.....tp biasala dah nama pempuan..mesti nak citer gakkan.....

Teki teki teka tekuk aku b4 raya tu dah terjawab.............scan n scan n scan ..that's the hearbeart..says dr.J ...... argggghhhhhh frust nye aku time tu tp still control depan doc......dr.J can i pregant again coz dah 3times caeser? .....dr J said....its ok...i dah pernah buat 5, 6 caeser n its ok....... what can i say lagi.... do pasrahhhhhhh.................. but in heart like i want to say....can't i........oh no.... ku already saw the heartbeat n dosa besar for me to do it.............................B

Kuar jer bilik doc, mr hubby asking.....cannot say anything.....lagipun tgh ramai2 org kan......masuk jer pintu kete...oh noooooo....................bederai2 air mata turun.............terus tak masuk ofis sebab mata dah bengkak.......... he said redhojerla..maybe ada hikmah..... i still can't accept.........

doc kasik ubat kuatkan rahim nasid folic..but till now satu ubat pun aku tak jamah.........bleeding is still but just like staining only.......kalau mmg dah Allah nak kasik jugak rezeki ni bertahan la dia di situ........... till now my emotion mmg tak stabil...sometimes can accept and try to accept but sometimes cannot accept dgn apa yg berlaku...........aku sgt frust sebab dah mcm2 protection tp kuasa Allah mengatasi segalaanya.........

Only my ofis mate know the story........family ku takdak sapa pun tau..( oh my niece nana n my acu..please keep tis screet ) . There's many reaseon why i can't..................my fobia masuk OT n  the sakit after operation (cannot n dun want to remember) .............will deliver  maybe end april next year......my bibik will balik on may nex year....tiket pun dah belikan sebab ada promo....whose gonnna jaga me....its 4th operate n conferm 2 weeks cannot do anything..........my mom confem dah tak larat and cannot jaga me like before........ughhhh......i want to cry...............

Baby hani still small   1y 8m...........igtkan itula yg bongsu........... previously Najla  1y 4m aku pregnant Hakim......Hakim 2Y aku pregnant  si Hani pulak....so mmg beza    masing2 2-3y....... ramai yg tanya aku tak nak anakker...so ada yg nak mintak anak tu.....the problem is aku tak kisah anak ramai tp aku kisah nak operate lagik kkkkkkkk..............

Actually still early....have a 1month to confirm it....if this preg safe till 1st trimester....i have to think what plan yg kene buat..............maybe mintak tlg kat bibik cont 6m to 1 year....n have to up her gaji la...........aku tgh melawan loya2 yg dtg....tp sometimes lepas jugak.....now mencarik mende yg masam jerrrrrrrrrr............

13.8.12 |

intro dulu..

Apa mende yg org selalu nak tp susah nak dpt....
Tp yg tak nak senang lak nak dpt?????????


Ramadhan kali ni Allah nak uji aku..tp actually tak ler seberat mana tp impact nyer sgtla berat....
Patutla before ni mood aku semua kelaut ....ngn badan lemah lesu semcam jer....
rupa2 nyaaaaa.................hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Peot aku mai di tarikh yg betui cuma lain dr biasa..... biasanya heavy awai2 kan... tp ni cuma staining jer...
Aku pun buat tak tau jer almost 1 week n ari2 aku doa yg aku tak terpregnant.... siap suh laki aku doakan sekali sebab seriously aku mmg tak bersedia fizikal mental n si kecik baru 1y7m.....n still fully brestfeeding.... uwwwwwaaaaaaa..................aku mmg tak amik pil perancang coz fully breastfeeding n amalkan traditional method and confident at least 2 yers after fully breastfeeding baru nak makan pil.....lagik satu aku confident kononnya takkan pregnant coz yg lepas2 boleh bertahan at least 3 years.......

Last week tgh tgk tv tv heavy bleeding n kuar ketul2 gitu.....so esoknyer aku pun pi klinik for checkup n after testing urine...its +veeeeeeee.................uwwaaaaaa......... dr ckp kita scan for confirmation....kalau ada tu awak kene redho jer la yer n cont. with this pregnancy ......5+++ w ........tp dr ckp nampak cam flat n nothing inside.........(terus terang aku jadik lega.....) .... so dr refer ke paakr for D&C processs.....
esoknyer aku pi KPMC Kajang n jumpa dr for futher action..... bila kat KPMC lagik jelas nampak kantung tu tp nothing inside...... dr Jamil kasik 1 week for monitoring..... if still nothing baru buat DnC..... so akupun dr minggu lepas pai minggu ni kepala asyik berteka teki teka tekuk jerrrrrrrr......... siap tak puas ngan dr lagik pasal aku dah bleeding fresh blood siap ketul2 lagik...tp dr ckp maybe itu just ketulan darah jer n scan still tak nampakl heartbeat coz kecil lagik .....argggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

Jumaat lepas lak...lepas maghrib tiba2 dpt call pasal abah aku muntah darah time nak berbuka.....dipendekkan citer pi hosp n kene warded.....alhamdulillah nothing serious....n abah dah discharge ahad semalam.....

Esok penentuan dan keputusan ...... klaau kene DnC  MC la aku 2 minggu ...n konfem kene berpantang raya ni.............huwwwaaaaaaa.......aku nak makan makanan rayaaaaaaaaaaaa................
Seriously mood raya aku dah kelautttttttttt...................

6.8.12 | Labels: emosi, luahan

Lamanya tak update blog .....rasa cam byknyer nak bercerita...tp bila tgk blog rasa malas nyer nak bercerita.... nak blogwalking pun sama malas nyer.....
Maybe mood mengatasi segalanya...
Nape tah mood dan badan lesu smcm jer....gamaknye bulan2 posa ni dok kat ofis yg sejuk econ nya tahap melampau.....impact econ jadikan badan jadik lesu dan malas jer....

Harini dah 17 Ramadhan......niat nak khatam Quran mmg dah kelaut....baru tgh Juz 5...ada 25 lagik tu nak pi....so aku rasa paling bykpun leh pi sampai juz 10 je kot....tolak 10 ari congo mmg tak dapekla......

Mood raya pun spoil ngan keje shift dah start....mmgla dpt project juta2....tp projecttu kene monitor 24hX7d...... so cuti ker wekeend ker public holiday ker kenela ada org jaga...problemnyer staff tak cukup...so last2 suma kene involve.....tgkla jadual tu...yg nama AZ tu aku la tu kene jaga.....nasb baik ada sorg non muslim...terpaksa la dia berjaga paksa dlm rela.....masuk pagi tu ok dah cuma kene fikirkan camner anak2 aku nak pi sek....biasanya aku yg htr coz ak masuk keje kul 9.....tp masuk kul 7 kenela suh van amik diaorg ....nasib baik bukan ari2....
Pastu aku ni dah la tak shopping raya lagik.....mood nak shoping pun kelaut....tinggla minggu ni jer nak shopping tp klau tgk jadual tu ari sabtu ni aku kene keje.....every Sunday mmg payah coz laki aku lak ada tusyen.....dgn kuih raya tak buat lagik (ada hati tu nak buat).....brg2 nak buat biskut dah beli last week kikiki... satgi jadik apa jer tepung2 tu...
Aku kesian kat adik sorg ni...asyik jadik volunteer jer kat kakak2 yg tak boleh shift....mmgla dpt duit OT....tp life takde buat perkan.....adik sorgtu pun rela dlm paksa....kesian kesian kesian.... moga tahunni adik sorg ni dpt APC (dpt rm2k kalau APC) dan dpt bonus 3-4 bulan tahun depan....pada yg tak bagi komitmen tu takyahla harap nak dpt bonus ke increment sama byk jer ..sian kat org yg asyik scrafice jer.... (akupun tak layak gak sebab aku bukan org yg suka sacrife tp mana yg boleh aku try sebaik mungkin..)

Temporary Solution For SNOC Monitoring - August

AILDILFITRI

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Alhamdulillah baru jer dpt icrement n bonus as usual tapi tahunni better lagik.....tp sebenarnya kitaorg boleh dpt lebih lagik......tp biasala parent management still nak control.....apapun Syukur to Allah..... aku pun tak fkir nak buat per ngan bonus ni lagik....yg penting infak dulu ke jalan Allah kan.... mood nak guna duit bonus pun ke laut :-(